Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
