Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
