Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
