I wish I could punch you in the face.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
