Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
