sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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