Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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