Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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