my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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