it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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