i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What a dumb baby whore.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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