He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
