We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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