Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
