come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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