whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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