Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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