I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
