There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
