just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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