You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
