Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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