I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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