I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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