I wish I could teleport
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
