The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
