Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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