i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
