Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
