Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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