Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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