I think my fart just growled at me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
