On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
