I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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