That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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