My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
