I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
