Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
