If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
