My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
