I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
