I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
