I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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