yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
