I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
