I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
