everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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