He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drunk is not a location!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
