I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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