Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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