Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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