do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
