So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
