I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
