I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
