I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
