we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
