So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
