Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
