your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
