I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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