Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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